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Day 3
Understand Differences
I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?
Nobody is the same. People differ in family-history, experiences, education, personality, culture, genetics, likes and dislikes, and even libido. I have seen couples fighting over whether to have white miso or red miso for dinner, and at each others throats over crucial issues like; how to use tissue paper!
But it gets even more crazy regarding the differences of men and women! Men and women are totally different creatures. Different physically; men have more muscle and women live longer. Different mentally; men are more compartmental and women are more holistic. Different socially; women use around double the number of words than men do daily. Different sexually, men excite via sight and climax once, women excite via touch and can climax who knows how many times! Perhaps, men and women differ even spiritually. It’s almost as though men and women are completely different species. Is it really possible for the two to adjust and live in peace and harmony? Needless to say a great marriage is nothing short of a miracle!
And most miracles take some work. A big part of the work means understanding that you are both very different— and that it’s okay. In fact it may be a great project to sit down and list up specifically how you are different and how you are similar. Then nothing is hiding and expectations are also realized. Some people spend a lifetime trying to change their spouse, but operation spouse-change is generally doomed to fail—it is a waste of energy and time. So go ahead, list up differences together, and even negotiate together what things can be altered a bit. Maybe there are ten things you want to have changed. Pick one, and one only, and discuss that issue.
But never forget, your spouse is different in every way, push yourself then to see things from your spouse’s point of view. Understanding doesn’t necessarily mean agreement, but who knows, you may actually begin to agree, or even, become more similar—and that definitely makes life a whole lot easier. Remember, positive-change means growth, and growth means nothing less than life.
Copyright © 2008 Andrew Meeko (Translated by Junko Meeko)
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